Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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