Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
is wine microwaveable?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
