I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
