3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
