I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
