what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
