remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
