batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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