Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
what day is it and did you see me today?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
