We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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