You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
