he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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