If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
