I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
