My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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