I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
