So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
being pregnant is like rehab
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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