I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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