i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
