so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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