be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
