i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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