how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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