I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
