i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
