There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
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