I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
