i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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