you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
This is the high leading the old right now
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
