my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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