the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
