Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
