feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
