I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
