are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
