Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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