saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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