i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
A bitchslap is in order.
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