I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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