I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
