At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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