i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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