I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
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