I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
