I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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