you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
