next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
