dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Never joke about your clitoris.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
