Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
