I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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