Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
