Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He did a backflip because drugs
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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