I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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