Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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